[Hrc] Accountants

[ruchi at deepalaya.org]

Comprehending Accountants -

Take One

Two accountancy students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?" The second accountant replied, "Well, I
was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman
rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her
clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first accountant nodded
approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't fit."

Take Two

 An architect, an artist and an accountant were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship.  The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
of the passion and mystery he found there.  The accountant said, "I like
both." "Both?"
The accountant replied "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will
each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to
the office and get some work done."

Take Three

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the accountant, the glass is twice as big as it needs to
be.


Take Four

An accountant was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".  He bent
over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.  The frog spoke up
again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful
princess, I will stay with you for one week".  The accountant took the
frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The
frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."  Again the accountant took
the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess; that I'll stay with you and do anything you want. Why
won't you kiss me?" The accountant said, "Look I'm an accountant.. I don't
have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."


Take Five

A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of Divisional
Manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for
the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two"? The
first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "twenty-two."
The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a calculator and
showed the answer to be between 3.999999 and 4.000001.
The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v.
Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four. The last
applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, "How much is two
and two?" The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door,
closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said
in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?" He got the job.


What's the definition of an accountant?

Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't
understand.


An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting
sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours
trying to find."